Salam Jaan,

    Dear am sorry to go without telling you dear ... Yaaar that time i was feeling very alone don't no why you now i go that time for dinner after dinner i was site alon on table watching out side and thinking of someone that why i am living here ? Is that am here really for study ? what i am doing yaar that time i was completly out of my mind don't no why ...

Dear you know i think that why i tell you to do this to do that and fighting always with you without any reason why i am doing this yaar ? Is that really right what am doing ... you know i love you in deep of my heart and i scared always day & night that today or tommarow you will go far very far of me and that far that i can't come to take you dear i scared always that i will lose you one day and always when i start talking with you this thinkings come on my mind and then you know belive me if i think more then tears come yaar i can't lose you i not really want to lose you. I do fight with you because anytime if i find you write something or any pictur i become angry to my self because i can't hide my feelings from you i can't tell you to leave that... i gone in love in very deep that i can't come out and am there in darkness always take your hand and you always give me your hand to take any time i think that i lose your hand and i will die alone in that darkness ...

your love become very hard for me to understand correctly what to do ... i do my best but i can't and am sorry to tell you in zabardasti what you didn't ( never ) did i did just to make en ambiance in our relation just to make you happy ...when i become quite anytime i scared yaar i scared badly to not talk with you yaar why because i scared to not tell you anything that you become unhappy of me ... i tell you my everything because you asking me to tell but i not want to tell you my manythings after yaar i not want to lose you... i become very diffrent then befor dear ... you know dear befor when i was talking with you i just doing and nothing care if my sentence was good to tell you or not but now am not doing same like befor ... because know a days i have really feelings for you... i just want to tell you that nothing anyway dear just try to be happy i know its not very easy dear i know its very difficult to be happy without that person you feel always on you without that person who follow always your shadow and who watch you always in there mind...

Befor talking with you is very normal but now belive me its difficult yaar anytime i scared to not tell you any bad word and anytime i scared to not talking and when i talk i fight because it become very hard for me yaar ... just be in my place dear you know i see everything you do on net infrunt of me. Always when you write something for me on yahoo after reading i feel very stranged about you dear i mean very absent sensations onvers you i feel that you are too sweet very sweet like en innocent flower and me the one who make hurt you, who give you pain always... Always when your tears come from your heart & from your eyes in my absences if am in anywhere i feel of your heart i feel that you need me anytime i feel that we need eatch others & anytime i feel that who am i in this world ? what i do in this earth ? why my parents do this ? why all this things happend just only on me why yaar ?

these all questions i ask to my self when i feel alone in this earth and today in the kitchen i feel same that why i am hurting you always why i do this ... someone who love me and me i just hurt her why i am doing all this ... but inanother way i do love too ... i can't prouve you my love jaan you are to fare i can't prouve ... after asking this type of questions to my self in my mind after i feel very very alone like one flower grow on desert and when sunshine become to hurtful it burn complet that innocent flower who did nothing to sun why that flower didn't did nothing because that flower know that sun will be burn why didn't just because that innocent flower can't if that flower go near it will burn more soo batter to stand on his place and burn little by little ... burning little by little is more painfull then burning in one time ... but that flower did because of his innocens ...

I don't no what to do soo after i leave that kitchen because it becoming very hardfull for me to burn in one place little by little ... soo i go out then i chose one film to see soo i see the film name is " House of Flying Daggers " dear you now i was thinking that film make me refresh my mind but you now it make me cry on many place yaar because she loving someone in real in the end of film soo then she didn't accept his lov because his love betrad his group then she refuse to go with him so he go alone then befor going she said to his boy friend that one of us will die i feel it why die because they loving eatch others very much ... when he go the girl take decision to join him she go behind then his old bf come and kill her with knigh and he tell her that ( i know you love him i kill you because i love you ) then his bf stop in the jungle because he feel that something happend with her so he return and see his gf in falling down in the grass he take his gf yaar that time really tears come then he said noo what happend she said why you come goo other wise he will kill you then dear his first bf come and they do fight then in the end he ( old bf and new bf ) kill eatch others but the one who loving her in real he come to save her but he can't save because it was too late to save her life then he take her gf and cry because he is the one who save her and his gf is not belivg on him always when he doing something his gf not beliving on him because she loving him more then his bf thinkings ...

same like you jaan in watching that film i think of our situations dear its like you think and you tell me always that i not belive you i not trust you but you feel that i not belive you its all is your feelings me in deep of me i love you trully i have feelings for you i not belive when i write to you something and you feel because you read in my writing and you start feelings i didn't i can't write my heart saying because its very difficult and heart things have never more place to write for you dear ...

Just i advance to you one thing dear that be happy ok i know one thing can make you happy that is to tell you that i will marry in 2010 lol when i said this belive me it make me happy lol don't no why and i am sure when you see this you happy too jaan its good me same ... dear look i will not sleep at night ok i will do work if you come ring me i will be here ... thanks and good morning lol bye jaan miss you always just try to understand me you will know how much i miss my heart. love you be withme always bye Allah hafiz God bless you bye